Reason behind it

Why did this happened to me? It is not fair

Have it crossed in your mind? Yes? No?

My answer is.. Yes. I did. I did when I was jahiliyah. I used to have whatever I want. We are in a good condition when I was kid. My parents will give what I want. If I want $20, they will. If I want to go out eating, they will accompany me. If I want color pencil, they will buy it for me though I still have the old one. When I grow up, the attention move from me to another new members of family. When my sister grow up, the attention will move from her to another younger sibling. It is repeated until the youngest one. When that happened, the financial is getting unstable and we hit to the bottom of the rocks. My parents get a loan from one bank to another bank just for the sake of us –  their children. They always find a way so that we would not starve at home even just a little.

Studying very hard during primary school, I managed to get a good result. Entering secondary school, I also study hard. Have a competitive and curious inside me, I have been always wanted to participate competitions and win the competition to become a representative of my school. I also have been wanted to join Scout club and any active club. But I didn’t manage to do what I want because the competitions always have registration fees. Plus Scout club required a lot of money. I couldn’t ask money from my parents as I know we are not in a good situation that time. In the end, I just buried that wish and envy when I look them who managed to participate the activities or competition. I only join the competition if there is no payment involved or if there is, the lowest payment at least $2-$3 for me to participate. Plus I was born as hearing impaired. I really doesn’t like telling people that I am not normal. I feel ashamed of myself because I got disability.

I also have a hard time at home because the chores are placed on me solely. This is because I am the oldest daughter and I am the only that my parents depend on me. My parents need to work so I need to help them. Have to handle a lot of siblings is not easy as you have to stop their fighting, cleaning up the mess they caused, ironing their uniform school, take care of youngest little sister, fix their meals, etc. I am only 13 years old so I have no strength to do all of this. Plus I have to attend my school and also extra class. This continues until I was upper six (19 years old). That long period (6 years), how many time it crossed in my mind? I sighed. I felt unfair. I am so tired. I admit I did thinking of running away from home. But I choose to stay when I remember my younger siblings. I don’t want them to feel what I feel. So basically i have negative thinking about my parents.

They don’t love us. Always busy work. Always sleep when go home………

Then Hidayah comes to me. Its really changed my mind set from negative to positive. I start thinking the reason why my parents working hard. When I get my first part time job, this deepens my understanding about my parents. Working a lot of part time jobs, I understand more about my parents. Slowly, I opened my heart to them. Slowly, I feel guilty towards to them. At the same time, I slowly love them in silent. Slowly, I advised my younger siblings not to cause trouble our parents too much. Then I said to myself this.

I am glad that this is happened to me. Allah really loves me. That why He give me this test. If I was born into a wealthy family, I might be arrogant and selfish to people or society. If I was born into a normal person, I might doesn’t know how it is feel to be in impairment and might have made fun to disabled people. I also might learn the bad words if I have better hearing. If I was born into a single child, I might become spoil kid and whining until I get what i want. I might not become responsible person. So Alhamdulillah Ya Allah. Now I know that You love me. I feel strong and motivated to do my job in this temporary world.

Therefore, please don’t be sad when you get obstacle in your life. Because you have Allah. Allah really love you. Reflect back your old memories and think. There are always a reason behind it. So be strong and SMILE !! 🙂

Belongs to: Noro 


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